Start here at the 12 Therapeutic Skills from A New Kind of Fitness blogpost to get more of an overview of what this is all about if you don't know already. Otherwise, here's a brief recap of the 12 skills before we delve into the first and most badass skill of them all, PATIENCE.
Patience
Presence
Self Compassion
Self Respect & Self Worth
Emotional Regulation
Boundaries & Safety
Creativity
Communication
Relationships & Healthy Attachment
Forgiveness, Repair & Restoration
Receiving & Giving
Unconditional Love & Belonging
Here are 5 reasons why patience is an essential and badass skill we might all consider practicing more on our mighty and hopefully, trauma-informed paths towards healthier living. At the end, don't miss the easiest way I've found to practice patience and get started today!
I. Patience turns distraction into attention.
If patience were a CrossFit skill, it would be a squat. Like a squat, patience is fundamental for building other skills. It seems simple, so it's tempting to rush. We often want immediate fitness gains- we want all the fitness now! But it's slowing down enough to practice a squat as a form of physical therapy that ultimately prevents injury, builds into more difficult skills and gives us greater longterm gains.
Practicing patience is a lot like practicing that kind of squat. It teaches us to bring our attention back to the present, back into our body and out of the distractions of our minds (which tend to either get stuck in the past or rush too quickly and too far into the future).
Patience is a therapeutic skill that not only trains us to slow down and learn the squat well, it trains us to connect our mind to our body and our body to our heart, our emotions, our wants, needs and desires. Ultimately, it connects us to our true self, good (realistic) possibilities and our own ability to create healthier lives.
II. Patience is the gateway to presence.
Patience is the bridge and the gate to healthy engagement in the present. And the present is the only space that holds the possibility of living life to the fullest. Presence is the one road to living fully alive. Presence is reality. It’s you alive now. Exactly as you are. Because no matter who you are, you are a unique, one of a kind miracle whose value can not be measured for how great it is in the fact that you exist! Whose belonging is not a commodity to be bartered but an integral part of your being human, being born and being alive right now. Many things will lead you off this road but patience will always help you remember the way back to yourself and the freedom we each possess in choosing to return.
III. Patience brings the unconscious into the conscious.
Philosopher Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate".
Patience is the beginning of presence. And in that presence, patience actively helps us bring the unconscious to the conscious. And as we become conscious, we might start to feel a mind/body connection. We might wonder, Why is my heart racing and my gut churning? And the wondering might lead us to an awareness like, I'm not feeling very safe in this environment right now. And continuing to practice patience empowers your ability to adapt, reason and respond to that awareness in a way that heals and helps us instead of causing more hurt and harm.
IV. Patience shifts our brain patterns away from impulsive/reactive into adaptive/reasoning/responding.
Practicing patience cues us to take a breath before reacting. If we keep practicing patience, and learn to stay present, it will lead to another badass skill, self compassion. Once the unconscious becomes conscious, we need to access self compassion in order to shift out of the impulsive, reactive survival center of our primal brain and into the adaptive, reasoning and responding frontal lobes of our higher, human brain. This higher human brain, has the ability use what becomes conscious to identify a need, to resolve a conflict, establish a better boundary, or ask for help from a trusted partner, friend, therapist or support person. And patience, if we've learned to train it, sustain it and use it well, will empower us to meet those needs with kindness, tenderness, compassion and respect.
V. Patience practiced leads to self-respect
Patience teaches us to see past or deeper into ourselves beyond what first meets the eye. Patience gives us respect which means “to look twice or look again”. Learning to be patient with yourself helps you slow down and notice what is actually happening in real time. To be in your body. In your own life. To feel it. Accept it. Own your part. Claim your space. Know you matter. Protect your space. Patience is a form of nourishment. It is a skill you can learn to give yourself, ask and receive from others and then give as one of the most powerful acts of love to anyone in our world today.
The easiest way to start practicing patience right now and EVERY DAY:
Notice your breath. Notice and don't judge. Notice how the noticing automatically cues your body to take a deep breath. Congratulations, you just practiced patience!
Commit yourself to noticing your breath a couple times a day with increasing measure. Each time, practice taking a slow deep breath in through the nose filling the diaphragm, relaxing the face, neck and jaw and then even slower, exhale through the nose or mouth (nose is ideal, but both are beneficial as long as you slow the exhale waaaaay down.)
In 20 years, this is the easiest most powerful and readily available way I've found to practice patience. And if you're interested in learning more about the added health benefits of optimal breathing, check out this book, Breath, by James Nestor. It's radically changed my health and life and will be coming to the Therapeutic Bookclub in June! I hope you will join us. More info coming soon.
Comments